The Chaperone
by MidnightSakuraBlossom and SYD
Summary: When Natalia is stood up, Alfred decides to step in and take her to the big dance on college campus so that he can win her affections. But will this be a night to remember, or a night worth forgetting? First in my collection Hetalia/Spongebob parodies!


A/N: This is a Hetalia/Spongebob parody. It came to me in a dream, after watching way too much of both the other night. It's a parody of the Spongebob episode: The Chaperone and you may or may not need to see that episode to get a general idea of this parody.

There aren't really any pairings...except for very mild, sorta one-sided AmericaXBelarus. Or AlfredXNatalia, if you want to be technical.

Disclaimer: I own neither Hetalia or Spongebob Squarepants, I'm fans of both.

**X**

**The Chaperone**

**X**

It all began as a rather peaceful day for nineteen year old Alfred Jones, whom worked as a frycook at the local Mcdonalds. He utterly loved his job and would always get very into his work, like he was at the moment. He stood there by the grill and sniffed one of the patties that were just grilled up and ready to be slapped onto the awaiting bun.

Ah, the meat patty has this nearly intoxicating, smell. When Alfred decided that it was good enough to go, he grabbed the mustard bottle nearby and applied squeezing pressure to it; drawing out a large check mark onto the patty and then placing it just right onto the bun. The other employees standing around him in the kitchen stared at him as if this was just another everyday occurrence and that there was no reason to be freaked out by his strange behavior. Just as soon as he pulled out the other fixings for the patty, he heard this loud **SLAM**. And it was followed by a female voice shouting profanities at the top of her lungs and sounding like she was going to freaking murder somebody.

He immediately cringed outwardly at hearing this. There was no doubt that he was hearing the wrath of Natalia, a Belarusian girl whom was temporarily staying here in America at the local college. He knew her because he attended the college as well and would occasionally see her at brief times both on campus and during classes. They have talked at times, but they were just were acquaintances at best. Although he secretly wished that maybe they could be more. She could be a little scary and pissed off at the littlest things, but she wasn't that bad looking and he couldn't help but like a girl as unpredictable as she was.

But he doubted that they would ever be together. She openly said all the time that she was in love with he brother, Ivan, and always mentioned how she would someday marry him. However, Ivan was scared shitless of her and her incestuous desires. So just maybe...

But Alfred brought himself from these thoughts and walked away from the grill. He opened the door to the kitchen and peeked out at the eating area. He could see various customers eating away without a care in the world, and then he scanned a little more to the right and could see Natalia sitting at the same table as Ivan and yelling at him while she slammed her hands repeatedly on the surface and he stared and just tried to slip and lower and lower into his seat, hoping to disappear off the face of the earth.

"KATSUYA TOLD ME THAT I SHOULD TRY AND LOOK FOR OTHER GUYS THAT I MAY LIKE, BUT JUST LOOK AT WHAT HAPPENED!"

"Well...I..."

"IVAN, WHY AREN'T YOU TRYING TO CONSOLE ME? I JUST GOT STOOD UP BY ONE OTHER GUY THAT I REALLY THOUGHT I HAD A CHANCE WITH, AND YOU'RE JUST SILENT!"

"B-but...Natalia..."

Ivan and Alfred had never really been on the best terms with each other. But for some strange reason, the eavesdropping American couldn't help but feel a little pity on him for having to be terrified by his sister's ranting about whatever happened to her. With a sigh, he undid his apron, tossed it to the counter, and made his way over to the table the siblings were sitting at.

"Hey Ivan, Natalia, what are you two doing here?" Alfred greeted them as if he hadn't heard any of the ranting that's been going on over here. Honestly, he was kind of surprised to run into them off campus...and at a fast food restaurant at that.  
>Ivan swallowed and avoided the angry look of his sister, he turned and looked at the curious look of Alfred instead. "It's...it's just that our sister Katsuya tried to tell Natalia to forget about me and look around for other guys that she may fall for. Well, she did find someone, and he promised to meet her for a date at the movie theater, but he never showed up. So she now is heartbroken and has no date for the upcoming dance that they were going to."<p>

Alfred found himself shocked by this story. He just couldn't comprehend the fact that some dude would stand up Natalia. Yeah, she was scary and unpredictable, but she had to have a good heart somewhere deep down. And not to mention that she was attractive. He glanced over at Natalia, whom scowled and stood from her chair.

"That's because there's only one person in the world who is as long, tan, and handsome as he is!" Natalia thundered. She looked near tears at this moment, but refused to let them flow. She tightly shut them and shook her head, now practically sobbing out, "And that person is HIM...!"

"Wait, wait Natalia, just stop ranting!" Ivan said frantically as he arose from his chair and somewhat hesitantly put an arm around her trembling shoulder for support. He was wary though, as he wasn't sure how she would react to the touch. "We will find someone else to take you to the dance. We...ahhh...Toris would gladly take you."

At the suggestion of Toris being her date, Natalia just started glaring daggers at her brother. She knew that the Lithuanian had a big crush on her, but there was no way that she would be seen with him.

"Ahhhh...what about that guy over there eating the cheeseburger?" Ivan pointed at the aforementioned random young man who looked about as old as his scary sister, whom was barely even taking bites from a greasy and messy cheeseburger. At this suggestion, Natalia crossed her arms over her chest and shot Ivan this blank and disapproving look.

Now Ivan was near hysteria inwardly. He was always so intimidating to everyone else, but once in the presence of his frightening sister, that all got changed entirely. Now as he glanced around nervously at any males in the room, his gaze finally fell on Alfred, whom was still standing there totally frozen with an uncharacteristic poker face going on. Then an idea clicked.

Even if he disliked Alfred, he was the only available guy around –Besides Toris– that would willingly be her date at this dance that she keeps talking about. He knew from randomly listening in on their occasional conversations around campus that he –somehow– had feelings for her. It was obvious by the way that he acted. And he knew that look in the eyes; that same, lustful sparkle that Natalia would offer him.

Ivan turned to Alfred and grabbed his arm, bringing him closer to Natalia. "Here, Alfred will take you to the dance."

"AAH!" Natalia shrieked as a look of absolute horror flashed over her face and she grabbed handfuls of her pale blond hair. "The frycook! Brother, do you have any idea what being in his company will do to my complexion? People will mistake me for a PLANETARIUM!"

Ivan just stared with a confused expression. "What do you mean?"

"I...I honestly don't know what the hell I just said." Natalia admitted, now staring back at Ivan with widening and almost fearful blue eyes. "Brother, I CAN'T take that country hick to the dance! I would do anything in the world for you, but not this! I will be probably kicked off the college campus and forced to live on the streets..."  
>"You may be right." Ivan admitted thoughtfully. He released his hold on the still-frozen American and turned to look at all the males in the restaurant. He cleared his throat to all of them and put on this EXTREMELY TERRIFYING, evil expression that made them all stare and their complexions to lose color rapidly. "Listen up, everyone. Which on of you 'lucky' guys want to take my (<em>gulp<em>) 'lovely' sister, Natalia, to an upcoming dance?" As soon as Ivan said this, Natalia shot the men a suggestive smile and posed sexily, even going as far as to lift up her dark blue long skirt and give them a full glimpse of her legs. The only one of the guys to show at least a little reaction was Alfred, whose face was starting to turn a light shade of pink at the sight.

All of the guys looked back and forth between Ivan's evil expression and Natalia's seduction attempt. To be honest, they were both equally scary. And these random guys knew that they would be screwed, no matter what their response. So they all quickly fled the restaurant with their tails between their legs. Ivan, Natalia, and Alfred just stared with disappointed expressions.

Finally, Natalia's face fell for a change and she heaved a sigh, turning to face Alfred. "Drop by my dorm room tonight at seven, Alfred." With that said, she hung her head and departed from the restaurant, all while clinging to a knife that she had behind her back the entire time she had been speaking with Ivan and Alfred about her lack of a social life.

Once she was out of earshot, Ivan ran his fingers through his light hair and then turned to the American. "Listen to me, Alfred. I need you to make sure that my sister has the best night of her life, so that she will forget about chasing after me senselessly and actually get a social life. And should you stand her up," the atmosphere suddenly turned bitter cold and tragic as the Russian wore a slasher smile and loomed over the blanching American. "I will tightly tie barbed wire around your throat and hang you slowly and painfully and watch as you bleed and cry in agony-"

"Yo, Ivan!" Ivan and 'Alfred's' eyes widened as a sudden, annoying laugh it their ears. They turned around very slowly and in wary manner to see Alfred walk up to him happily. "Are you talking to my brother, Matthew instead of me? There sure is a resemblance between us, isn't there?"

Ivan just stared in sheer shock and performed a double-take, looking back and forth between the two. And sure enough, he just realized that the 'Alfred' he had been threatening had more wavier hair with a very twirly curl and was dressed somewhat differently. While the original Alred's dark blond hair was a little straighter and just had one piece randomly sticking up.

Now feeling sort of awkward for once again being mistaken for his brother, Matthew just took this opportunity to slip away and flee the restaurant. Alfred stared sadly at this, until Ivan grimaced and pulled him aside.

"Never mind that, now. Alfred, you are taking my sister to a dance tonight and will pick her up exactly at seven."

Alfred's eyes widened childishly and he gasped. "You mean Natalia? Awesome!" He grinned the jabbed his thumb at himself. "Don't worry about us, Ivan! I am an expert when it comes to dances!"

**X**

"What the hell have I gotten myself into, Matt?" Alfred moaned as he lied down onto his bed and buried his face into the pillow, not caring that he was taking this all way too dramatically. "I'm a dance FAILURE. I couldn't ever get a date for ANY dance that came up, especially the high school prom..."

His brother, Matthew, sat in his dorm room with him. Over on the small leather couch across the room, he had been skimming through a magazine when Alfred started angst-ing about how he was going to let both Natalia and Ivan down.

"I remember that." Matthew murmured, not wanting to remember that high school prom at all. Because it was a total fiasco after that fire broke out from a fried amplifier. He sighed and flipped a page. "Alfred, you must really like Natalia if you want to make sure that the night goes perfect for her."

Alfred sat up and gave Matthew a glare, grasping the pillow and chucking it at him. His brother wasn't convinced that he did it out aggravation though, when he had seen the telltale dark red color rush into his cheeks.

"Hey, maybe it's because I don't want Ivan to be pissed off and castrate me brutally if Natalia sets her eyes back on him!" Alfred countered as a delayed reaction, looking rather smug as he hopped off the bed and back to his feet.

Matthew, whom was looking equally as smug, just faked a chuckle. "Maybe. But you have to admit, I notice that you're always talking about the girl-"

"Aw, just shut the hell up and help me find a way to make sure I don't piss of either Natalia or Ivan, embarrass myself, or all of the above!" Alfred whined at him, jumping over the side of the couch plopping down beside him.

But Matthew didn't have a reply. He just gave him a knowing, shy smile and handed him the magazine he was reading. A closer inspection revealed that it was appropriately titled: Long, Tan, and Handsome. With a picture of a sexy dark-haired guy in his late teens posing coolly.

Alfred, not getting the idea here, just stared at the magazine cover for several seconds. Then it all clicked and he grinned. "Matt, this magazine just gave me an idea!"

"Good."

**X**

A little bit later during a time skip: Alfred had went out and rented a very nice tux from some conveniently-placed store selling them, bought a bouquet of beautiful flowers, took a long and soothing shower, squirted some breath spray in his mouth, learned to tie his shoes correctly, got Matt to help him check his height (yes, he was just as tall as what the magazine had instructed), and randomly made toast to eat when he realized that he still had another hour before the exact time he was due on the other side of the campus at Natalia's dorm room.

Now we'll skip to when he arrived at the door. He made some loud raps on the door and then put on a suggestive smirk as he leaned against the doorway and awaited for his beautiful Nata...

Ivan answered the door instead. But Alfred's look did not waver as he remained looking suggestive for his intimidating sister. Which begs the question, why was he even at her dorm room if he feared her so much? "Hello? Oh, Alfred."

"Hey Ivan, why are you here?"

Ivan just continued to smile obviously hesitantly as he opened the door a little bit wider, revealing his two sisters standing in the dorm room with him. "Me and Katsuya just came over here to speak with Natalia before she left. So, Natalia, he cleans up pretty well, doesn't he?" Natalia glanced over from where she stood and gave a hint of a smile trying to form, but her lips remained flat. And Katsuya just gave the American a shy smile. After this, Natalia walked over to the doorway.

Alfred and Natalia just examined each others' appearance closely, both pleasantly surprised by what they were seeing.

Natalia's long blonde hair was fixed well and reaching down her lower back nice and straighter, the front ends resting over her chest, she wore a fair amount of makeup and a dark blue dress that reached her knees and had had frills and ruffles it had quarter-length sleeves and most of her back underneath her shoulders was exposed, and she wore pumps the same color.

Alfred's hair was fixed just a little bit more than usual, and he was wearing a very nice black tux without a tie. He also had a bouquet of roses in one hand for her. She couldn't help but be staring even more than he was at her.

"Oh...well...at least he does not look like a country hick like usual." Natalia coldly brushed off, crossing her arms and glancing away. There was just something about this though that seemed fake, and only Ivan and Alfred caught it when they noticed a natural blush creep into her cheeks. "Now listen to me, Alfred, I want you to write down a list of things we will be doing at this dance..."

As Natalia babbled on bossily about what they would be doing that night at the dance, Alfred gave her the roses and then reached into his jacket and pulled out a notepad and pencil that he had hidden and began to write everything down.

**X**

"And don't step on my feet when we dance, I will break your neck if you do. And when I want a drink, I want you to get it for me because it seems sweet and believable, and don't that thing you always do when-"

"Um...Natalia? We have to get back to the limo."

"A LIMO?" Natalia promptly clapped her hands together in excitement as a rare smile made it's way onto her lips. She then grabbed the American, whom was covered head to toe in the very long notes that he had been writing for at least twenty minutes, and dragged him by the hand out of the dorm and down the halls all in a blur, screeching, "Why didn't you say so before? I have always wanted to ride in a limo!"

Ivan just blinked repeatedly, staring at the cloud of dust they had left behind, but then a small smile appeared on his lips when he walked out of the dorm and called out, "Good luck, Alfred!"

**X**

Okay, it was not logical at all how Alfred was able to get a limo so fast. Especially when he didn't have that much money in the first place. That just shows how much he really wanted to go all out for Natalia. And by the way, the two of them road across the college campus all the way to...the other side in the comfort of the limo. They talked a little bit, but it was mostly silent.

Then they arrived at their destination. The driver opened their doors and escorted them to the front of the building, and was quick to jump back in and drive away at least sixty MPH because the Belarusian girl had scared the shit out of him so that they wouldn't have to pay for the services. Now they stared up at the large building where loud and obnoxious music could be heard playing.

Alfred, remembering what the magazine had instructed, quickly reached for the handles on the doors and opened them up for Natalia. She rose an eyebrow at this new behavior of his, but didn't say anything as she brushed past him and entered. She didn't seem him smirk and mutter something about the night turning out better than he had expected it to.

"Well," Alfred began, stepping inside as well and pulling out the very long list that Natalia had instructed him to write. "I think the first thing we should do is-" A camera flash cut him off midway into the comment, and Alfred and Natalia both stood there dazed by it until they turned to the left and noticed a man looking bored and holding a camera pointed at them.

Since Alfred didn't really have much experience when it came to these kinds of things, he just stared blankly at the man and then turned to Natalia in his confusion. "Why did that dude take our picture?"

Natalia just scoffed at her date. "Do you know anything? The whole theme of this dance is like your typical school prom for everyone that wants to relive high school and whatnot. See by the gym décor?" She then almost smiled and clapped her hands together like a peppy teenage girl. "This is just like my first prom! When I got my first prom picture!"

"Ah ah," Alfred grinned and slipped closer to Natalia, grabbing her hand and interlocking her fingers with his own. She just stared with a stoic expression at this. "Don't you mean OUR first picture?"

Natalia glanced at their hands and sighed under her breath in dismay and then reached into her purse, she pulled out her knife and then carefully and skillfully slipped the blade between their fingers and pulled them apart, and brought that hand back to her side. She then raised it up to Alfred's cheek and held it their with this serious glint in her icy blue eyes.

"Now, let's get this night over with..." Natalia murmured irritatedly as she removed the knife, slipped it back in her purse, ran her fingers back through her hair, and made her way across the dance floor to the small stage where the same dark-haired man with the camera was now at. "Come on over here, Alfred!"

"I'll be right there!"

Natalia sighed loudly and put her hands on her hips as she looked over at Alfred trying to make his way clumsily and awkwardly through the several college students attending. Her date had quickly spat out apologies as he bumped into at least five people, accidentally poked one girl's left eye, stepped on some dude's foot, kicked another dude in the balls, and tripped and landed all sprawled out on the stage, barely hanging onto the long red curtains for support.

The camera man was sick of waiting and took the picture anyway, just when the stage began to shake from the weight and Natalia and Alfred fell off all tangled up in the red curtains that had fell onto them. Once he shrugged his shoulders at glancing at the picture that had came out looking so damn stupid, he walked away to the next couple that had entered. And the unlikely couple sat up on the 'gym' floor with the curtains falling off them and revealing their stunned and humiliated expressions.

Of course, Alfred wasn't about to left that one epic failure ruin the rest of the evening. He just gathered the remains of his dignity and turned to look at the glaring Belarusian girl with a childish smile. "That will be a keeper."

"Oh look, it's Natalia!" A sudden voice called out from the across the room.

"Hello, Natalia!" Called out a second female voice.

Natalia immediately gasped and turned to Alfred, grabbing a handful of his jacket and wrinkling it. "Alfred, here come my friends! Uh...go get me a drink!"

"Dance expert, away!" Alfred yelled out for no true reason at all as he jumped up from the tangled mess of curtains and dashed over to the large table with several drinks and foods assorted perfectly.

Rolling her eyes, Natalia got from the floor as well and smoothed all the wrinkles in her dress. "Hi, girls." her two, and only, friends walked up to her with smiles on their faces.

One of the girls had long brunette hair that was pulled back in two long pigtails, green eyes, and wore a feminine, long pale green dress without sleeves. The other girl was about a year younger and had short blonde hair in a boy-ish style with a ribbon in it, brightly sparkling eyes, and wore a short and ruffled and frilly dark red dress.

"Natalia, I'd like you to meet Roderich." The first girl, Elizaveta, introduced as she smiled dreamily and pointed to the well-dressed brunette young man standing at her side with an interested expression. He didn't say anything, because he found this dance to be a waste of time.

"And you know my brother, Vash," The second girl, Lilly, introduced as she grasped the hand of her slightly-older brother that she resembled greatly with their similar haircuts, he was dressed simply and murmured a greeting to Natalia, mostly because he was too flustered from the fact he was actually on a date with Lilly.

"Hi, Roderich." Natalia greeted quietly with a straight face, as if she didn't even notice that Vash existed.

"So, where's your date, Natalia?" Lilly pressed curiously as she smiled mischievously. "We are just dying to meet him!"

Suddenly feeling confident that she would be able to successfully pull this off, Natalia forced a fake smile and pointed a finger at the table on the other side of the room. "Oh, he is just over there getting me a drink." Elizaveta, Roderich, Vash, and Lilly all squinted their eyes and turned to get a view of her date. The first person to successfully pick him out, was Elizaveta, whom whistled under her breath and then turned back to her friend."

"Ohh~ is he the tall one with dark blond hair and glasses?" Elizaveta asked curiously, Roderich just looked over at her and shot her this glare when he realized she must have thought that Natalia's date was attractive.

"Yes!" Responded Natalia enthusiastically. But this facade was shot, shattered, and killed several times over when she whirled around and looked over at Alfred herself. She could see him struggling to grasp the ladle in a bowl of punch and she broke into a cold sweat. "Oh shit..."

Meanwhile, at the large table with random food and drinks assorted around nicely, several people stared in sheer confusion as they watched Alfred chase the ladle around in the bowl of punch. Even Natalia, her friends, and her friends' dates were staring with widened eyes at the disaster waiting to happen. For some strange and utterly retarded reason, the American could just not grab that damned ladle and it just twirled around in this hypnotizing manner as it creaked and taunted him. But he had too much determination to not give up, and took this challenge head on, rolling up his sleeves and hanging onto the large punch bowl as he rapidly chased his tormenter.

Which proved to be a fatal mistake in the end.

In the end, his tight grip on the edge of the punch bowl was just too much. For Alfred had a lot of strength, you see. And the entire table itself flipped over to the floor with all the food toppling over and scattering in random directions (and a hotdog even fell in Elizaveta's hair, that is how far the food flew). The bowl of punch naturally was flung open in the air and Alfred could only stare as it landed on him and he slipped to the floor.

Everyone in the entire room was now gawking at Alfred, and then back at Natalia. And then back at him. Natalia's cheeks turned a bright shade of red fast and she quickly pushed through her friends and their boyfriends and practically stormed over to her date, hoping that no one else had noticed her obvious embarrassment.

She carefully stepped over the wasted foods and drinks and knocked aside the spectators as she glared daggers at Alfred. "ALFRED! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?"

Alfred just sat up on the floor, the bowl now lying beside him and he was covered in the red punch. He was trying so hard to not look as utterly embarrassed as he was, and just masked it all with a smile and nervous laughter. "You look ridiculous...ack!" Anger and embarrassment forgotten, she dropped down behind the toppled table onto Alfred's lap and clasped a hand over his sticky mouth.

They just remained frozen in their positions, both all tense and everything from both the terror of the moment and at how very suggestive their position had unknowingly become. But curiosity got the best of Alfred and he slipped up from the floor and peeked over the table (it wasn't logical at all, but he was suddenly all cleaned up). "What is it, Natalia?"  
>"Get down, you idiot! He will see us!" Natalia hissed, quickly rising from the soaked floor and catching him in a headlock as she brought him back down to the floor. "It's the jerk that stood me up, also known around campus as Mr. Long, Tan and Handsome!"<p>

A random spotlight shone from the ceiling and positioned itself on this very nerdy guy that had just entered the building, they even gave a drum roll for him. He had curly red hair, was kind oh short and skinny, wore big and round glasses and had pimples all over his face, and he was clad in a shabby green tux that was sort of small on him. Now at this point, Alfred couldn't help but wonder what his date had seen in him. And also, whether the nickname 'Long, Tan, and Handsome' was supposed to be ironic or not.

To play along with the act though, Alfred wolf whistled as soon as his gaze fell on Mr. Long, Tan, and Handsome. "Holy shit... he's a sex god." He suddenly grinned and reached out, grabbing a golden and shiny trophy and showing it off to a surprised Natalia. "But I bet HE isn't the owner of the romantic dance championship trophy~"

Roderich, whom had been holding the trophy the entire time, gave Alfred an irritated glance and pulled said item out of his hands. Before walking away, he muttered, "Give me that back."

Natalia gave Alfred an annoyed stare, and he just laughed nervously and claimed that this never happened. Before she could say anything, he quickly took her by the hand and almost dragged her over onto the dance floor when a Katy Perry song started blasting from the sound system that was hooked up.

For some reason, Natalia had the feeling that this would not be going well. Of course, she wanted to dance tonight. But if Alfred was clumsy enough to beat up at least ten people while walking across the floor, and somehow manage to be so strong to destroy the stage and topple over a table into the air, there was no telling what the hell would go wrong now. It was safe, at this moment, to assume that her humiliation was only going to increase ten fold and she could never show her intimidating face on the college campus ever again...

Despite the mishaps, Alfred remained determined to save the evening and maybe...maybe even get Natalia to like him enough to go along on another date with him. The two made their way over to the dance floor and he inwardly took a deep breath.

After all, how hard is dancing? Alfred hadn't ever really learned how to dance, but he figured that it shouldn't matter. All you have to accomplish is being light on your feet and keeping rhythm in the steps! It seemed so damn simplistic! So he just decided to wing it tonight, and moved with what came natural to him when he listened in closely to the beat of the loud pop song.

Natalia just gawked at the sight, her eye widening as she just stood there watching the definition of epic failure before her. She didn't know...whether to be humiliated for even knowing this guy, or very sympathetic for his soul. You see: Alfred was moving around crazily and then took his arm and started spinning it around rapidly, almost mimicking a windmill.

"Alfred, what the hell do you think you are doing?" Natalia finally hissed, crossing her arms and grimacing. "Can't you see that everybody here is doing the new dance move: The Whack?" Obviously, he did not know about this new dance move involving two people whacking themselves against the others' body, it strangely almost looked sexual, but this should not be elaborated on.

"The Whack...?" Alfred froze, stroked his imaginary beard, and watched as various dance partners vigorously whacked against the other person (God, that sounds so dirty...). "Oh yeah! I invented that move!"

The only way that this night would be saved from total and undeniable disaster would be if they did this new move, The Whack, and became insanely popular and famous around the campus as the best dancers. So, for the sake of Natalia, and being well-known, Alfred made up his mind to try out this move. He stood there stiff for a moment and tried to feel the rhythm of the music flowing through his ears and sending this jolt down his spine. He carefully studied each beat and even the way each lyric was being sung. Some may say that he was over doing it, but that was because he truly was going over the edge here.

Not the least bit impressed by the way he just stood there all stiff with his eyes shut, Natalia reached forward and gave his shoulder a sharp shove to bring him out of his little daze. "Are you sure that you can do this, Alfred?"

The minute the words left Natalia's mouth, Alfred's eyes snapped open and he rushed forward with a surge of new-found energy and in a trance from the music, he THREW his body against his date's. But this was not a good decision at all, because he had so much strength in it that it was practically like a tackle a football player would make. The both of them flew through the air from the impact and crashed into Vash and Lilly, whom both fell back against the second large table with food and drinks and they slid across it in a blur, toppling all the foods over to the floor.

Alfred and Natalia survived in one piece. Maybe Vash and Lilly did as well, expect for the fact that they both slid across the table and crashed head first into a canvas that had a painted picture of a random female student. The artist of said painting screamed like a little girl when he saw that they had ruined his painting and had ran and jumped out the window, hoping to kill himself (which would not work, since they were on the first floor).

Because of the earthquake-like impact that Alfred and Natalia's landing had made, the entire dance was ruined. And so was the entire first floor of the building. There was a random fire, the decorations were lopsided or twisted and fallen to the floor, all of the food and drinks littered the floor, two of the food tables were turned over, the stage was just a pile of destroyed wood and curtains, and people were either lightly injured or all staring accusingly at the two.

Now everything was officially ruined beyond repair and the two just sat there on their butts on the floor while everyone else freaked out in the background. They wore confused looks, but both knew exactly what had just happened, and what had caused it. The both of them were beyond mortified and couldn't even look the other in the eye.

Natalia always wanted to believe that she was strong and had no need for emotions except for her anger and the love she held for her brother. She wanted to believe that she could keep them in control and bottled. But now that she eyed the damage, and Alfred, tears were pricking uncontrollably in her eyes from both anger and embarrassment. "Well, I guess you can take me back to my dorm now. Now-now," Alfred's eyes widened as he turned to look at his date. Did she just STUTTER? "Now that you have ruined everything and utterly humiliated me in front of everyone..." Promptly, she lost it and brought her hands to her eyes and started sobbing and trembling.

"Wait, wait!" Alfred quickly said as he brought out his list once again and reached for her hand and grasped it tightly. "The prom expert is here, and I haven't failed yet!"

Alfred himself was not as strong as he wanted to be as he frantically read over the list at all of the things that he had destroyed tonight, his chances with the girl he had a major crush on included. Tears were also beginning to prick in the corners of his eyes, but he refused to release his emotions now in front of her of all people. That would only make her think he was just a crybaby, when he most certainly wasn't!

Finally, realizing that there was nothing left on the list, and everything was destroyed, Alfred dropped it carelessly to the floor and sniffed as he glanced away and wiped a stray tear. This building was just so dusty...ah, yeah right...

"Whatever you do...don't cry..." Promptly, he couldn't hold the tears back anymore. All of his emotions were released. Sadness, despair, humiliation, anger with himself, they all were let out and tears began to stream hotly down his cheeks as he got up off the floor and made a mad dash for the closet bathroom; the girls'.

Natalia just stared as three girls ran out of the bathroom screaming after having the sobbing male infiltrate it. Her expression softened for a change as she realized what was going on. Now that she thought about it, Alfred was just as humiliated as she was from all of this. He really wanted to make sure she had a good time tonight, and she didn't give a damn about him at all. She was only thinking of herself and her reputation. She see at the time that he must have really gone through so much to please her.

It was her fault that he broke down like this.

"Wow...what was wrong with him?" Elizaveta asked Natalia as she walked up, grasping Roderich's hand. "Poor guy, he really made a fool out of himself tonight."

"I know." Natalia sighed and wiped away her tears, getting up to her feet. "Now, I will have to fix things. You just concentrate on getting that hotdog out of your hair, Elizaveta." Elizaveta's eyes traveled up and she blanched to see that the hotdog was STILL in her hair. While Natalia walked away to the bathroom, the Hungarian girl urged her boyfriend to help her get the food item out.

Arriving at the girls' bathroom door, Natalia was surprised to hear muffled sobs. She straightened her clothes, released a sigh, and made a few quick raps on the door. "Alfred, are you okay?"

"I screwed up everything and ruined your night...!"

She shook her head. "Ah come on, Alfred, I suppose you did not screw EVERYTHING up..."

"But it's because of me that Elizaveta has a hotdog lodged in her hair for all eternity...!"

Natalia took in what he had just babbled out and then brought her hands to her lips and giggled somewhat in memory. "Actually, that whole scene with the hotdog landing in Elizaveta's hair was funny. Please just come out."

"I embarrassed myself by destroying a prom-like dance, ruined your reputation, stole a championship dance trophy from that Austrian dude, and cried like a baby, and you STILL want me to come out?"

"Alfred..." A light blush rose into Natalia's cheeks, but she kept a straight face as she crossed her arms and stood at the door. She could still hear his quiet and occasional sobs, and finally broke the silence by saying, "Maybe you did do all of those things, but that does not matter to me now. What matters to me is that you went through so much hell just to ensure I had a perfect night for a change. And now that I think about deeper...I realize...well..."

"Realize what?" Alfred pressed, admittedly very curiously as the sobs began to become very quiet now.

"I realize that...I shouldn't hate you. I should be thanking you, you are the only person that would go through so much trouble just for me and do so passionately. Alfred...the truth is that I sort of..." Natalia paused and turned around to see that the lights were dimming and Roderich (after being persuaded by Elizaveta) went over to a piano that had been there the whole time during this train wreck of a dance and sat down at it and began skillfully and flawlessly playing a soft, romantic tune on it for background music. She allowed the tiniest smile possible to curve onto her lips as she turned back to the door. "We haven't finished our dance yet, Alfred. And honestly, I want to conclude this fiasco off the right way."

It didn't take even seconds for Alfred to burst out of the bathroom, his cheeks still flushed and stained with tears and his eyes red, but he still was wearing a smile as he held out his hand to Natalia to take. She stared at it in surprise for a few moments, but held back a smile and took it shyly. Then the couple made their way across the clearing dance floor.

Once in the center of the room, all eyes locked on them except for Roderich still offering them some music, the couple stared at each other for several seconds before they closed the distance and held onto each other as they...ATTEMPTED to slow dance, let's put it that way and not explain farther.

Okay, well, it is safe to mention that neither Alfred or Natalia could slow dance. They were not in harmony with the music at all, and kept making accidental stumbles. But strangely, they didn't feel the least bit self-conscious. It was if everyone there watching just disappeared of the face of the earth and it was just the two of them...and Roderich with the music. Alfred would have to later make a mental note to find Roderich on campus sometime and apologize for trying to make himself look good by stealing his championship romantic dance trophy. And guess what? Natalia even dissed Mr. Long, Tan, and Handsome when he came over and tried to ask her to dance!

Involuntarily, the both of them smiled and intimately locked eyes, the moment just felt so right. All of the earlier embarrassment, distress, and shed tears before were now forgotten. It made the both of them realize something important. As Roderich's music came to a close, Alfred and Natalia slowly leaned in...

And Alfred accidentally bumped into a nearby amplifier, him and his date quickly gasped at that and then separated and watched in horror as a chain reaction occurred: the amplifier fell backward into one of the sparking parts of the sound system, this was followed by a loud crash and then flames began to inexplicably rise from them. So everyone just stared like idiots at the small fire. Instead of using common sense and saving themselves.

The fire rose and became large, but that was when the alarm starting dinging like mad and the smoke detectors did their thing and rang in harmony with it. Soon, water began to be sprayed out by the sprinklers overhead and it doused the ENTIRE room until the flames were out and everything and everyone was ringing wet.

Every pair of eyes was glaring evilly at Alfred and Natalia, the former laughing nervously and the latter returning the glares the and reaching for the knife in her purse. But the person that was really taking this hard was Roderich: as he was soaked with water and his music had gotten interrupted, not to mention that earlier he had to try and free a hotdog from his girlfriend's hair, got his trophy pick-pocketed, and didn't once get to dance at all. And that just sucked. So he decided to decide their fate.

The next thing that Alfred and Natalia knew, they were being dragged out of the building by an inwardly freakin' pissed off Roderich, whom was trying really hard to control his emotions here. He almost tossed them out telling them to "go destroy another dance somewhere else", and then angrily taking his leave back into the building to go express his emotions through the piano and let off some steam.

Now sitting on the ground, realizing that the night was an utter failure, Alfred and Natalia just remained silent and wore impassive expressions.

**X**

The walk back to Natalia's dorm room was just as silent as Alfred expected. But he wanted to at least drop her off and show her that he did care. He couldn't even look her in the eye once they arrived at the door, keeping them downcast so that he wouldn't have to see the pissed off expression she was most likely wearing. Now, his chances with her were gone and would never be coming back. She would just go back to trying to win her brother's heart and he would just have to live with his feelings buried deep down, never to be returned. Sort of like that Lithuanian dude, what's his name? Toris?

But finally, Alfred regained a little courage and sighed as he leaned against the door. They both of them were a mess with spilled food on them, water dripping, and their clothes ruined. But he tried to spit out his apology anyway, maybe she didn't realize how terrible they looked and how terrible the night had been. "Look, Natalia, I'm sorry the night didn't turn out like you wanted it to..."

Natalia was silent for a long moment, glancing away, but she cracked a tiny smile anyway. Though it was fleeting. "That's okay, Alfred. I knew that it would be an utterly mortifying disaster all along," Alfred cringed and brought a hand over his face in hopes of hiding the dark red color rush into his cheeks. But was stunned when she came closer and grabbed his hands, interlocking their fingers together willingly. "But as far as utterly mortifying disasters go...that was pretty fun in hindsight. And I may go on a second date with you after all."

Soon, Natalia did the most unexpected thing. She stood up on the tips of her toes and reached her hands up to Alfred's neck, pulling him closer to her and allowing their lips to meet in a somewhat chaste kiss. He just kind of stood there all stiff with his eyes widening afterward, so not expecting that at all.

So this must mean that she forgave him for everything and he actually DID manage to win her affections! At this realization, Alfred felt like he was weightless and his determination soaring. He felt like himself once again and glad that the night worked out after all. And just when he was able to kiss her back and sneak his arm around her lower back...

The door flung open in a flurry of bitter cold wind. Revealing one pissed off Russian armed with a pipe of some sort. Natalia and Alfred instantly separated and turned to stare at him with widened eyes.

"GET AWAY FROM MY PRECIOUS LITTLE FLOWER." Ivan hissed at the American, rising the pipe and wearing a slasher smile. Said American just stared as the air around them felt so cold and tragic all of a sudden and the lights inexplicably dimmed.

"AAH!"

Suddenly, the mood suddenly became normal again as Ivan's slasher smile melted into an innocent one as he got lower to the ground and delicately stroked a potted sunflower that was placed by the floor. "You almost stepped on it."

Alfred just stared, twitching in sheer horror at thinking about what might have happened if he actually DID dare to step on Ivan's beloved sunflower that...wasn't there when him and Natalia had left. So he must have been spending all this amount of time potting the flower and just finished.

Natalia couldn't stay mad at her brother for scaring the shit out of the both of them like that. Her scowl melted away, and she turned to Alfred and gave him a slightly-apologetic smile. "Well, I hope that we can go on another date sometime, Alfred." She had expected a response, but Alfred said nothing. He just stood there totally frozen up. She blinked and tried waving a hand in his way, saying his name, but he never once replied back. So she just sighed and walked back into her dorm room to tell her older sister about how the night went.

After finishing saying sweet things to his potted sunflower, Ivan picked it up and then got back up to his feet. He didn't have the slightest clue why the American was frozen in terror like he was, but had a theory that it was from the realization of actually going on a date with his horrifying sister was finally getting to him. Yet, he had heard what Natalia said; that she would like to go on another date with him.

So this meant that Ivan won in the end. He was able to get his sister to forget about him for a little while and chase someone whom she would actually have a chance with. And upon realizing this, the Russian smiled at Alfred and told him that he was alright. And then walked back down the halls to get back to his own dorm.

At least, Alfred was an alright guy in Ivan's book until he stepped on his sunflower again. Then it was time for a little violence and terrible bloodshed.

Several seconds awkwardly went by, and yet Alfred still stood all alone in the halls still frozen. But it wasn't until a second Alfred walked up and snapped a finger in front of the others' face did the original snap out of his trance.

Wait a minute...there wasn't two Alfreds! The first one's hair was more wavier and had a long and twirly curl on his head. So he wasn't Alfred after all, he was...Matthew? But this didn't make any sense at all because they were both dressed the same.

"Oh, there you are, Matt!" Alfred laughed and grabbed his brother by the shirt, dragging him away with him. "You sure do come in handy! Hahaha~"

And so the screen faded to black and it was assumed that everything worked out well in the end.

**Fin**

**X**

So what does this mean? Was it Alfred or Matthew that was really at the dance with Natalia? o_O Well, I think I'll leave that up to your readers to figure out. Because there is absolutely no that that I can break it down logically enough.

I hope you fellow AmericaXBelarus fans enjoyed it~ that is actually one of my favorite straight Hetalia couples. I dunno, it just seems cute and their relationship would never be dull. I had been intending to write a serious story with these two, a tragic one, but then I made the mistake of watching about fifteen episodes of Hetalia and then watching the Spongebob Sqaurepants episode afterward, this was just meant to happen. I already invaded Naruto and Death Note with Spongebob, and figured that I might as well do the same to this series as well. *Prepares to dodge bullets*

If you want me to write more Spongebob parodies, please let me know. You'd be surprised at how easily you can blend the cartoon with various anime...

Read and review~! Should you not, Ivan will beat the shit out of you with his pipe because he is still angry about Alfred about to step on his potted sunflower! *Smiles evilly*


End file.
